78 of #100daychallenge: dishonesty

This is going to be a really quick post because I have some other things I’m working on…but the other day, I was thinking about how I really just need to know things for myself. As a mom, sure there are things I need to know for my daughter, but ultimately, I really only need to know those things for myself.

I also realized that when I think I have to know things for other people, it often results in miscommunications, misinterpretations and wasted time and energy. These are actually instances of boundary issues. It can be tricky respecting boundaries and using them for support when as a parent. I feel a great responsibility to myself, my child and society to play my role in helping and informing my child.

The funny part is that she helps and informs me of many important things. She keeps me real and connected to everything that I know is true about me and about life.

I’ve become so much more aware of the reality that the greatest boundary violations happen in my thoughts and are masked by seemingly positive intentions such as deeming myself responsible, capable, caring or agreeable. There’s a lot of aspirational and hopeful intention that is actually rooted in insecurity and fueled by dishonesty.

Dishonesty with a capital ‘D’ or all caps is extremely visible and unmistakable. dishonesty with a lowercase ‘d’ and scribbled out in place of another word, is not as easy to see and decipher. It feels a little more subject to interpretation because it wasn’t intentional or consciously created. It was created in the process of trying to be better. However, the latter part is an issue, because it is what allows us to perpetually be dishonest with ourselves. It justifies this pattern of behavior and gives us no reason to change and multiplies the distance between important parts of ourselves and our potential.

Honestly, I am often dishonest with myself, but now I’m becoming more aware. The awareness will either support me to change or it will hover and create anxiety, and because of awareness, I get to choose. It’s not just a one time choice, I have to keep choosing and choosing one or the other. Tiny micro-decisions made throughout the day, either by the pattern (unconscious self) or by the awareness of my conscious self.

Okay, gotta run. Hope that was a fun read! It’s your choice…ha!

Follow @blueprintwellness.life to see my #writing #alltheloveandnoexcuses #100daychallenge unfold.

Brightly,

Laura

Hey, my shadow looks like the #tweetybird granny!